Tuesday, November 22, 2011

An obsessive mind

I'm writing this post mainly for my own benefit, so that I remember what I am feeling right now. But it is also a symptom of the level of obsession that I have at the moment that I feel the need to write another blog post.

I've only just realized how relatively quiet my obsessive side has been now that it stands out in stark contrast the sort of repetitive thoughts that are going through my mind right now compared to how I perceive I have been lately. Is it because I am nervous about the impending Marathon? Is it because I have too much surplus energy as a result of tapering off my training load? Or is it because I have just bought a new bike to which I have to make lots of adjustments? Or is it because I have run out of cod liver oil? (Seriously, this last point is something I actually think!) Or maybe I have been like this all along but I am only just realizing it now...

I discovered last night that I have a screw missing (from my new bike). It's perfectly rideable but I should really make sure that I get that screw replaced. It would be impossible to find exactly the right screw in a hardware store and it would probably weigh more than the other screws, throwing off the handling of the bike (OK, this is a joke) and what if Giant refused or took ages to get me a replacement? I can't stop thinking about that damn screw. The bike is so perfect but IT IS MISSING A SCREW. Jesus... I think what I need to do is get the bike out on the road so it gets a bit dirty and maybe a tiny bit scratched and then it won't seem so perfect and fragile.

I don't like feeling like this. I know it doesn't make sense and that there are far more important things to worry about but I can't help it. It's like trying not to think of a pink elephant. Damn, I just did. I want to try to work out whether this is due to being in the final stages of the Marathon training or just something that all the fiddle faddle of Triathlon provokes in me, or something else entirely.

(Update: it turns out that the only screw missing was one of mine - the bike has all its screws, one of them was just obscured by a cable... I felt like deleting this post but I'll keep it to remind me of how I can get when I'm nervous.)

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